Upon shutting down his Special Counsel Office, Mueller left parting shots which seemed to leave the press’s collective panties in bunches. Has he passed the buck to congress? Has he deemed Trump guilty but unassailable? Has he cleared Trump almost entirely, allowing the president and his new Attorney General to do a little victory dance?

I would like to take the press back to the days just after the release of the report. A lot of coverage had to do with George Papadopoulous, member of candidate Trump’s Foreign Policy advisory panel. Papadopoulous pretty much implied Mueller’s office was targeting his possible ties to Israeli intelligence. Both he and, coincidentally, Michael Flynn, had ties to Israeli oil concerns, specifically to companies involved with exploring and extracting oil from the newly discovered Leviathon oil fields off the coast of Israel. Papadopoulous, a very young twenty-something with Greek roots somehow became the go-to guy in a scheme to build a pipeline from the fields to Europe via Greece and Cyprus. Much better than going a land route which would involve dealing with nasty, unkempt Muslims.

When Papadopoulous landed in London in the summer of 2016, weird things started happening. There was a promise of compromising emails from the Clinton campaign via a very strange Maltese character who ran a shady diplomatic college and has since disappeared. Of course, the emails were stolen by Russian hackers. I think the inference here is that the Russians therefore were targeting the American presidential elections. Papadopoulous hinted about the deal to an Australian diplomat, the details of which ultimately became the subject of the famous Steele Dossier, a product of British intelligence, if you believe the axiom once a spy, always a spy. (Like many former spies, Steele runs a private intelligence firm. For readers unaware of such things, there are companies called “proprietaries” which are set up by spy agencies, run by ex-spies and used for spying. It’s often hard to tell which company is real and which company is a spy front. For those who remember the sad news fakery leading to the Iraq invasion, outed CIA agent Valerie Plame worked for the latter.)

Having recently immersed myself in many conspiracy type books, this Mueller Report sounds like one heck of a good movie, if it ever gets optioned by Hollywood. And when you read further, away from the report, you get weird tidbits like the fact that the shady Maltese professor donated money to The Clinton Foundation. Seriously, at this point my head starts spinning.

Instead of decoding all this for human consumption, the Press instead has deleted it from all reporting. Mueller helped with his terse, short statement. “If we had confidence that the President clearly did not commit a crime, we would have said so.” This brings everything back to square one, when there was no Mueller Report. No nasty Maltese professors, no British ex-spies, no Australian diplomats or Israeli pipelines.

And sweet, idiot Bran is King over everything. You can turn off the television now.